Mercy.

 Mercy. 

They say your life is supposed to flash before your eyes when you’re about to encounter death or a near death experience; hmmm oddly enough it didn’t happen that way for me. I knew we were going to crash, there was no way to avoid it and I knew it could potentially be deadly or extremely severe, but my life didn’t flash before my eyes surprisingly, no it didn’t. However, for the brief moment (and I do mean brief) before everything went crazy, it was as if Mercy not just stared into my eyes but spoke to my soul and whispered ‘No.’ I looked out the windshield as my chest and back crushed into each other and oddly enough I smiled at the beautiful, bright, blue sky as I breathed what seemed at that moment my last breath. 

 

Mercy Said No. 

 

Hey guys, how are Ya? Hoping all is well. It’s been a minute since my last blog and I do apologize but my life has been a rollercoaster for the past several years constantly dealing with my health and so forth, so it’s been hard to keep up. I thought long and hard about writing this because it’s still a fresh wound and there are bits and pieces I'm still putting back together but I figured it’s only right I be as candid as possible with my readers. As you can see, it’s not my conventional way of writing but sometimes it doesn’t hurt to change things up a bit. So, let’s begin. 

 

Monday, 16th January, 2023 started off I'd say much better than any other day. It was a day I woke up and felt like I was ready to conquer the world. I had it all planned out, the entire week actually. Was going to head out and do some business runs, finalize some documents for my insurance the next day, get ready to do my Annual Physical and put in for my new Business License (revamping the company). Yup, I was focused. My friends and I were finished with running our errands and were on our way back home – them to finish off their work and me travelling with my laptop of course to finish mines whiles they worked. There were four of us in the car, I sat in the front passenger seat which I usually don’t care to do but for some odd reason, that’s where I was. We were having such a good, fun-filled, full of laughter day and it was so beautiful outside so no, I don’t think any one of us envisioned what was about to happen. We were in our lane going at a decent pace and this black truck was in its lane and for some strange reason, he swerved completely around and dashed in front of us. I automatically knew we were going to hit; it was just too close. All I could remember was my friend slamming on the brakes but it was impossible to avoid the crash and just like that, BAM! I can remember feeling the wind being knocked out of my body and my eyes wide open to the sky; the rest I'm still being told. I am epileptic so apparently I suffered an instant seizure. The crash alone should’ve killed me but the mere fact that I was out, not breathing or any response for some 30 minutes (so I was told) before EMS came, yea that’s miraculous BUT Mercy. 

 

I woke up in Accident & Emergency hours later and I was so angry because I didn’t understand why I was there. I was adamant about them discharging me and letting me go home. That was the first time I was actually ever rude with a Doctor but I was pissed like ‘why am I here, I want to go home!’ He brought the paper and advised me that I am signing against Doctors recommendations and he strongly suggest I think it over. Being Akrizia, I just wanted to be free. That was until I tried sitting up and my chest collapsed into my back and I couldn’t breathe again. I looked down at my legs and only one was moving and I’m like what the hell is going on? I couldn’t even hold the pen. I just crashed back into the bed and said forget it, keep me. I was informed by one of my friends that the driver (our friend) had broken his hip and the other friend in the back had broken his leg in three different places. I wasn’t updated about any of my injuries that night, well perhaps I was but couldn’t remember as I slipped in and out of consciousness. 

 

The next morning, the pain was unbearable. I was still lost for words and angry. The lady next to me, who in time became my own personal angel said, ‘I’m glad you stayed last night. You were so hell bent on going home. Let them work on you.’ Thank you Mrs. Porter, you are truly heaven sent. She became my roomie from A&E straight to the Female Surgical Ward. We looked out for each other and she sure kept me calm in the midst of my hell; I’m forever grateful for meeting such a genuine soul. 

 

I don’t want to be long winded so I'll wrap this up. I spent about a week and a day in the hospital. We did tests upon tests. I was on bags and bags of medication. I had to have a blood transfusion, a pee bag inserted, along with the other at the other end, an NG tube and the list goes on. I had Gyne, Medical and Surgical working on me and they were so efficient and persistent on getting it right. I want to extend a special thank you to all those teams, particularly to my Surgical Team, they were truly the bomb.com. I don’t want to call names and forget anyone although I tried to get all the names but it was a big team lol so rather hard to keep up. To the Nurses, PCA’s and entire staff at the Rand Memorial Hospital here in Freeport, Grand Bahama – THANK YOU! You guys ROCK! 

 

To sum it all up, I suffered of course an epileptic seizure, a cerebral contusion, lung contusion, broken ribs, soft tissue damage to my right knee, fractures to my toes, bowel extension/obstruction (hence the reason for the other tube lol to release the air and other stuff), fluid in the lungs, fluid in the cervix, my electrolytes went into an all-time low and of course my iron was at a critical level so I had to have a blood transfusion (that I don't blame from the accident considering I was bleeding out from November of 2022 and they refused me but we will save that for a later date). I did have an allergic reaction to one of the medications prescribed to me recently which almost stopped my heart but I discontinued them until I could see the Doctor again. I am doing physiotherapy for my legs and breathing exercises to avoid the lungs from collapsing which is extremely painful. The effects of being sticked over twenty plus times are now taking a toll on my arms as they are swollen and pain me like crazy. I have nightmares. I wake up screaming at times and for a brief moment I honestly whispered to God, ‘that was Your perfect out for me...why didn’t You call me home?’ Some may consider it a very ungrateful thing to think but I’ve been in the battle ring for years now and the blows keep getting harder. Within the last two years alone, my family and I have said farewell to over some 10 family members and friends. Said my final Goodbye to my little sister December 31st, 2022 and I couldn’t breathe. I had to remove myself from the funeral because I couldn’t breathe. But Mercy... 

 

The song Overflow by Juanita Bynum has been heavy on my mind from the start of the New Year and oddly enough on the Female Ward, the room we were in was called The Overflow. I chuckled at God’s sense of humor and I thought this blog would be about that – Overflow. But no, it was Mercy. Mercy stepped in on my behalf, on all of our behaves and covered us when we were supposed to be sleeping in our graves now. My friends are recovering well Praise God and they seem to be in good spirits. I was doing my best for a while but of course emotions and pain started to get to me but nonetheless, I’m reminded constantly of what Mercy did for me. Mercy said NO! I still need an EEG Test done on the Brain (just to know the extent of the damage prior to the accident but of course it made it worse), I need an Echocardiogram for the heart (it's extremely enlarged - wished they'd tell what that meant but ok) and an Endoscopy and Colonoscopy done to see if and where I am internally bleeding - again all issues prior to the accident but magnified now. I thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and I’m praying for if not speedy well at least full recovery Amen. I still have difficulty walking, sitting up, breathing and just trying to stay focused or conscious but to God be the Glory I’m pressing my way through. He’s faithful, have always been and will always be. 

 

Oh yea - I am attaching some pictures I got but it’s not nearly as bad as it was prior or is now; don’t be grossed out, I wear my battle scars like a badge of honor.  

 

Stay encouraged folks and always remember, the best is truly yet to come. Grace & Mercy, Faith & Favor Forever! 

 

Your Warrior, 

Akrizia ‘MaryAntonique’ Smith 

Year 30. The Valley.

'Ye though’ I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I shall forever no evil for Thou art with me.’ 

Let’s Begin. 

 

Feels like I've been walking through the valley for quite some time now. I’m hours into Year 31 Praise God and I can honestly say, Year 30 damn near killed me – what a rollercoaster ride. 

 

They say ‘you take the good, you take the bad; you take ‘em both and there you have the facts of life’...hmmm, well then, let’s start with... 

 

The Bad. 

 

Year 30 should’ve started like most of the milestone years – super optimistic with fun plans to celebrate but no, it did not! It started with pain. A year prior, my body went through drastic changes which Doctors believed to be Lupus. We tested for it and after months of ups & downs (we’ll talk about the health care system some other time hmph), the initial test results were inconclusive but a second test was ordered because the symptoms continued to progress rapidly. 

 

Needless to say, I spent the entire month of August 2019 sick in bed. I couldn’t move, could barely breathe at times, couldn’t get up to even bathe myself or eat where I was in so much pain; I was sleep deprived and utterly miserable. The was pain was like the saying goes, ‘from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet!’ To top it all off, being one who suffers from irregular cycles, dealing with ‘her’ ALL month did not make my misery any easier. I cried Everyday! 

 

It Gets Worst... 

 

Hurricane Dorian, Category 5+ Storm – considered one of the worst ever, was scheduled to make landfall here in Grand Bahama on September 1st, 2019. I remember that day clearly because that was the day my cycle had finally stopped (tmi but not really) and I felt like the happiest person alive until I realized, ‘oh damn, there’s a beast heading our way!’ 

 

I won’t go into full details of my personal ordeal during that storm (will share another time) but do know, I literally fought for my life during that storm and wanted to give up swimming through those dirty, murky waters, but MERCY said NO! 

 

Prior to the storm, the beginning of August I had just moved and about 95% of my belongings were already there. After the storm, that home and my belongings were no more. I went into a severe depression afterwards – I honestly didn’t think I was going to come out. Again, from one of my previous FB Post, my sincerest thanks to the Samaritan’s Purse Staff & Crew for their amazing love and support – wouldn’t have made it through without them. 

 

Fast Forward to 2020

 

Now I know everyone had high hopes of this being their ‘year’...I did too. It’s been a very long time since I've traveled and that’s all I wanted to do, until... 

 

Covid 19. 

 

I’m making my plans, getting ready to see a friend I haven’t seen in years and just trade over the sunny skies for some snow then BAM – the Country goes on Lockdown. I honestly looked up and was like, ‘No man God, this is a joke, right? Like I need a break yo!’ Sadly, nothing was or is funny about this Pandemic going on and my thoughts and prayers are with those suffering and who have suffered losses from it. 

 

The Good (finally).

 

Last week (and off and on for a few months) I suffered an extreme nervous breakdown – it's one of the worst I've literally ever experienced in my life. It was to the point where I wanted to be institutionalized because I couldn’t control anything anymore. I was a wreck! I know you’re probably wondering where’s the good in that – hold on. When I finally came to after crying endlessly for days, I said to myself, ‘you’ve finally reached the breaking point, it’s either going to make you or break you, what are you gonna do?’ 

 

It was in that moment that I realized who I was... 

 

I’m a Survivor! I’ve been through hell and back but still standing. 

 

I’m a Warrior! I’ve fought so many battles, too many to count but yet still I rise. 

 

My scars, they do tell a story! Life has tried and perhaps will continue to try it’s best to break me but I'll still be here. 

 

And ‘ye though’ I walk through the valley; I will fear no evil! Thou have promised to prepare a table before me in the presence of mine enemies. 

 

Enemies can be sickness, confusion, mental breakdowns, setbacks in life – not always people per say but in the midst of your adversities, He reminds you He’s ultimately in control. 

 

Year 30. 

 

I had no idea how Year 30 would end and I can honestly say, I did not enjoy the ride - it’s been a hell of a ride! It’s been two years now since I've written so this is a good sign that things are looking up and I'm getting it together. I’m staying productive with my business at home – highs and lows as usual but that’s life. 

 

I’m ending this simple but serious – Please stay safe everyone and keep your heads up; the best is truly yet to come! Here’s to Year 31 – Forever Young. 

Love Always,

Akrizia (Something About Mary)