I usually start off with some catchy quote that flows into my writing but I don't have one or correction, chose not to think of one. I'd like to just jump right into this.
It's true, I'm knocking on 29's door soon enough, all praise be to God and I can honestly say if not for other women, then for myself, it's beyond annoying hearing those words, 'You're Almost 30! When Are You Going To Get Married???' I truly never knew there was a certain cut-off age to get married – or so many would like to make one think. I mean growing up yes, I've had examples of young people getting married – I mean my grandmother was married at the age of 20 and my mother (real talk I don't know exactly LOL), but it was definitely before 30. However, I was never taught that it was a Must-Do. My mother always just wanted me to be happy.
Now I will admit I did have somewhat of an idea of the age I would've preferred to be married and that was 25. Why? I honestly do not know but I thought it was an ideal age...not too young but quote unquote not too old either. I actually made a deal with God *big laughter, as if one can make deals with God* but no, for real, I did, well mentally anyways. I would always tell Him I would like to be married by 25 and if I am, then marriage and family would become my life. The other part of the deal was, if I'm not married by 25, then my work and ambitions would become my life and marriage and children would just have to wait until I'm where I want to be, career-wise. I know, I did say big laughter lol you don't have to laugh too but it did seem like a fair deal.
Anyways...
So yea, at 18 I barely was allowed to date. The 20's rolled in and everyone still wants you to stay focused on work and no rush for relationships or children. 24 hits and dad wants to know when am I bringing home someone for him to meet (bear in mind of course I am dating, but I don't introduce people to my family so quick). And then the rest of the 20's keep flowing and it's no longer about finding someone, the questions direct to having children *roll eyes* - with whom if I'm single, not even dating like C'MON! Now 28 and the age-old annoying, irrelevant to what's really going on in my life question keeps popping up and I want to blow a fuse!
I'm currently single and I enjoy saying that. I'm doing exactly what my 'deal' haha stated and I'm amazed at the leaps and bounds I've made thus far. With that being said, no it does not mean I do not want a relationship, marriage or children. It simply means my focus have shifted to not being so concern with who I'm with but more of who I am and who I'm becoming. Before I can be good or of use to anyone, I must first be good to me.
I never loved myself before so yes, I've kissed a few frogs in the past hoping they would turn into Prince Charming, knowing they wouldn't but being insecure and full of self-hate, accepting them anyways. I am no longer that girl. I'm no longer that woman. I've grown, miraculously I will say, and I am no longer willing to accept mediocre love just to say I have someone or push for marriage because the world thinks I'm passing said appropriate age. Don't get me wrong, I am indeed open to dating of course. But unlike before, I will not continue on with someone when I see the red flags blatantly waving in my face. I admire young couples getting married; it's adorable but different strokes for different folks.
I'm not against marriage at all. I love it, I respect it and I believe in the sanctity of it BUT I'm not about to rush into it just to accommodate everyone else's feelings simply because I'm 'Almost 30'. Marriage doesn't have an expiration date, well not to my knowledge and let's not get Biblical here because some of you would've broken said vows and the sanctity of marriage way before you actually got married BUT, I do not live in pettyville (just saying).
When I get married, I want the 'forever thing'. I know, I know, many say it too BUT I mean it. I do not believe in divorce amoungst many other things. Marriage, like any relationship is a responsibility. For some it can be a liability, others an asset but either way, you must be held accountable for your part. I don't want to rush into a sinking ship. Let me explain whiles I wrap this up – many marriages fail because so many are ill-prepared for the work that goes into it. Let's take commitment for one, I cannot speak on marriage although next to financial reasons, commitment is one of the leading reasons why the divorce rate is so high but anyways – many are afraid of the thought of being with one person forever. If that's you, take a little more time for yourself. I for one am not that person and I'm not just saying that either, I've always felt that way. But after failed relationships because of lack of commitment on their end, I do not want to be the only one feeling that way. I want someone who's certain they want to be with me and love me forever despite our ups and downs.
And then you have another major deal-breaker, financial problems. I've seen and known many who go into marriages broke. To me, that makes absolutely, positively no (excuse my language) gawddamn sense! Yes, we're marrying for love and all that good stuff but let's just keep it real folks, if you yourself are not financially stable, how do you really see it all playing out? I am so for the 'build together' thing but honey, chal please!!! If YOU cannot or do not have means to sustain YOUR OWN SELF, please leave the people 'dem chirren alone – yes, I had to use my Bahamian colloquial terms in there because I know, around the world or not, you guys will understand. Marriage isn't a 50/50 thing. It's 100/100. All of you and all of me – no cliché song just stating facts.
I'll touch another point briefly because again as stated, past relationships have shown me this problem and I'm so not here for it! As a woman, I want to be respected as your partner and confidant, NOT as your servant! Again, if you want to get Biblical, you can but we will go back and forth all day and the only point I'm trying to bring across is that just like you, I am human. I want to be respected as a human-being NOT just the level you think I should be respected as a 'woman'. Many marriages fail because of this or causes infidelity because the other partner, let's just say for the sake of my point women go looking for the love and respect from other men that they're not getting at home. I for one am so against infidelity on any level so I do not agree with their decisions but I do somewhat understand. Before I put myself in a position to be belittled or looked at as less than because I am a woman, I'd rather just be alone. And no, it's not easier said than done. Actually, it's that simple.
I would love to get married someday and look into the face of the soul I'd be spending the rest of my life with, raising my children with, standing before my God with and taking our sacred vows – that'd be beautiful and I pray that it's in my future. His plans however are greater than mines so I can only trust in Him and His timing. Until then, 30 or not, I'm Gucci babes...life's good and I'm just rolling with the punches!
Love Always,
Akrizia 'MaryAntonique' Smith
11th January, 2018
11th January, 2018
