'Ye though’ I walk through the valley of shadow of death, I shall forever no evil for Thou art with me.’
Let’s Begin.
Feels like I've been walking through the valley for quite some time now. I’m hours into Year 31 Praise God and I can honestly say, Year 30 damn near killed me – what a rollercoaster ride.
They say ‘you take the good, you take the bad; you take ‘em both and there you have the facts of life’...hmmm, well then, let’s start with...
The Bad.
Year 30 should’ve started like most of the milestone years – super optimistic with fun plans to celebrate but no, it did not! It started with pain. A year prior, my body went through drastic changes which Doctors believed to be Lupus. We tested for it and after months of ups & downs (we’ll talk about the health care system some other time hmph), the initial test results were inconclusive but a second test was ordered because the symptoms continued to progress rapidly.
Needless to say, I spent the entire month of August 2019 sick in bed. I couldn’t move, could barely breathe at times, couldn’t get up to even bathe myself or eat where I was in so much pain; I was sleep deprived and utterly miserable. The was pain was like the saying goes, ‘from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet!’ To top it all off, being one who suffers from irregular cycles, dealing with ‘her’ ALL month did not make my misery any easier. I cried Everyday!
It Gets Worst...
Hurricane Dorian, Category 5+ Storm – considered one of the worst ever, was scheduled to make landfall here in Grand Bahama on September 1st, 2019. I remember that day clearly because that was the day my cycle had finally stopped (tmi but not really) and I felt like the happiest person alive until I realized, ‘oh damn, there’s a beast heading our way!’
I won’t go into full details of my personal ordeal during that storm (will share another time) but do know, I literally fought for my life during that storm and wanted to give up swimming through those dirty, murky waters, but MERCY said NO!
Prior to the storm, the beginning of August I had just moved and about 95% of my belongings were already there. After the storm, that home and my belongings were no more. I went into a severe depression afterwards – I honestly didn’t think I was going to come out. Again, from one of my previous FB Post, my sincerest thanks to the Samaritan’s Purse Staff & Crew for their amazing love and support – wouldn’t have made it through without them.
Fast Forward to 2020
Now I know everyone had high hopes of this being their ‘year’...I did too. It’s been a very long time since I've traveled and that’s all I wanted to do, until...
Covid 19.
I’m making my plans, getting ready to see a friend I haven’t seen in years and just trade over the sunny skies for some snow then BAM – the Country goes on Lockdown. I honestly looked up and was like, ‘No man God, this is a joke, right? Like I need a break yo!’ Sadly, nothing was or is funny about this Pandemic going on and my thoughts and prayers are with those suffering and who have suffered losses from it.
The Good (finally).
Last week (and off and on for a few months) I suffered an extreme nervous breakdown – it's one of the worst I've literally ever experienced in my life. It was to the point where I wanted to be institutionalized because I couldn’t control anything anymore. I was a wreck! I know you’re probably wondering where’s the good in that – hold on. When I finally came to after crying endlessly for days, I said to myself, ‘you’ve finally reached the breaking point, it’s either going to make you or break you, what are you gonna do?’
It was in that moment that I realized who I was...
I’m a Survivor! I’ve been through hell and back but still standing.
I’m a Warrior! I’ve fought so many battles, too many to count but yet still I rise.
My scars, they do tell a story! Life has tried and perhaps will continue to try it’s best to break me but I'll still be here.
And ‘ye though’ I walk through the valley; I will fear no evil! Thou have promised to prepare a table before me in the presence of mine enemies.
Enemies can be sickness, confusion, mental breakdowns, setbacks in life – not always people per say but in the midst of your adversities, He reminds you He’s ultimately in control.
Year 30.
I had no idea how Year 30 would end and I can honestly say, I did not enjoy the ride - it’s been a hell of a ride! It’s been two years now since I've written so this is a good sign that things are looking up and I'm getting it together. I’m staying productive with my business at home – highs and lows as usual but that’s life.
I’m ending this simple but serious – Please stay safe everyone and keep your heads up; the best is truly yet to come! Here’s to Year 31 – Forever Young.
Love Always,
Akrizia (Something About Mary)
