I Came to Win, To Fight, To Conquer, To Thrive; I Came to Win, To Survive, To Prosper, To Rise; To Fly!!!

Better late than never, Happy New Year Guys!!! I trust that you all had a wonderful Christmas and is ready for a New Year of opportunities, challenges, disappointments, success stories, and so much more that the New Year brings with it. It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog although I have been continuing to write for quite some time now. There were many other topics I wanted to put out prior to the New Year’s arrival but nonetheless I’ve got ample time to do so this year.

I was listening to some music last night and I came across this song Fly by Nicki Minaj feat. Rihanna. I instantly fell in love with the chorus and couldn’t get it out of my mind. I am not one to make New Year resolutions simply because I know I’m not the type to say ‘this is what I’m going to do’…rather, I just do whatever it is I want to do without having to make it a resolution or an item on my list of to-do things. My goals have been set years in advance and as each New Year comes I just push further towards them or with some, complete them.

Of course, as stated earlier, each year brings different challenges so of course it may have threw some of my goals (plans) off a bit, but I never let it hinder me from continuing on in pursuing what it is that I want to do. In other words, as oppose to setting New Year resolutions, I am who I’ve always been; not much has changed in terms of the direction I’m heading or the things I want to achieve. I’ve grown much over the years and have improved tremendously in many areas but there is no big significant change in my plans.

Many people come into the New Year anticipating major changes in their lives and for some, are extremely disappointed at the end of the year to have not accomplished all that they said they would do at the beginning of the year. A New Year does not mean a new opportunity to re-invent yourself. You will forever be disappointed if that is what you foresee, as for each New Year you would continuously set out to do the same thing. A New Year will perhaps bring new opportunities for you to either work on yourself for the better in different aspects and areas of your life or continue on in doing what you’ve always been doing.

Nothing’s wrong with setting goals and seeing to it that you complete/ achieve them. However, if you only try to set goals because a new year is approaching, then realistically, you can expect to not succeed in them or expect to come across many difficulties in attaining them. It’s simple, if you do not make yourself obedient to a particular thing, then how is it that you expect for yourself to follow through in it? In other words, if you do not practice what you preach or say you’re going to do, then how can you expect the end result to be triumphant. Many people sit down writing their long list of things they want to do and change for the New Year e.g. lose a lot of weight, be more strict, stick to their word, travel more, etc. Here’s the thing, if for example, last year you just ate what you wanted, did not exercise, and did whatever you wanted, then exactly how do you expect your weight loss strategy to go? Do you think simply because you say that’s what you want for the New Year that it’s going to happen? And if so, are you aware of the radical changes you will have to put your body through in order to achieve this?

In life you can never just go from nothing to something. There has to be some sacrifice in order for you to go on to the next step or stage in life. You cannot just become a movie star. That’s years of hard work and for some that are blessed enough to get into it and succeed instantly, are the ones blessed with that talent. Even they have to go through some form of training to be what is required of them. In everything you do in life there has to be some discipline, training, obedience, or sanction; even for the trivial things like losing weight.

 A New Year brings new opportunities but the obvious ones as last year would have been able to give you are not considered by me a new opportunity. Why do I say that? Well, what is it that hindered you from losing weight or travelling more last year? Is it because of health conditions, constant working, or the simple mere fact that you weren’t driven enough to do so? If drive was your downfall, then how are you now going to change that? And why wait for a New Year? Why not try to change things in December or earlier? What is so special/ different about this particular year as oppose to last year that made you come to this conclusion that you are going to change these things? Whatever it is that was hindering you last year from doing what it is you aspire to do, what makes you think it won’t hinder you this year? And if there was nothing in your way last year, then why now? Why not then? Hmmm.

 I’ve been told that I take things far too literal so you might be wondering ‘oh my gosh what’s up with these questions, is it really that serious?’, but then again, I live in the real world. I’m just trying to bring you up-to-date with how I function and think in this real world because some of you are really living some fairy tale lives but with no happy endings. Some of you just dream and dream and never really pursue anything in life. Some of you make New Year resolutions simply to hear yourselves or to make yourself same as if you are doing something in life. Making plans just because it’s the normal thing to do with no way of ensuring that you are going to at least follow through is so pointless. I hate being rude but it’s absurd saying you’re going to do something and never get around to it simply because YOU are the one standing in your way, not the year. If you have no practice or discipline in something, then do not out of the blue assume that you can instantly change things. It’s not impossible to achieve your New Year resolutions but you must start now working towards them. You cannot wait for a New Year to arrive to then decide to be proactive. You’d be in for a rude awakening. Now that you’re already in the New Year, think about those things that you said you wanted to change and ask yourself, is this a realistic goal to try to tackle within a year or am I going to find some balance, some discipline in my life in order for me to achieve these? Also, will these goals change when another New Year approaches, because if they do then what’s the point in going after something that perhaps won’t be finished within a year simply to drop it for another New Year resolution.

If you do not have it, find some stability in your life from here on and go with that. Setting New Year resolutions are not necessary. If you know what it is you want in life and is sure about it, don’t let the year depict when and how you deal with what you aspire to obtain. The year changes, your goals shouldn’t and if you want more than what you had last year then you should’ve already thought about it prior to entering a New Year. You would already have plans thought out on how you would change it this year. Don’t wait for the New Year to think of new ideas, goals, or anything for that matter; start now and if you’re not finished by time the year is out, then don’t worry, push forth, stick to it; you don’t have to add on just to accommodate the New Year nor should you leave behind. Continue to do what it is you were doing.

From my early teen years I had made up in my mind that I am Dedicated, Desired, and Determined to Win and to this day that has not and will not change. That’s my life’s goal and not just a New Year resolution. That is something that I stick to and abide by. That is what makes me who I am. My dedication to whatever I set forth to do, my desire for it, and my determination to see that it’s accomplished. I’ve been purposed-driven as shall I always be. Some things along the way have changed but nonetheless I’m still focused and obedient to my plans and therefore I have no worries as to those that are yet to come. The year doesn’t make me, I make the year GREAT. Guaranteed promise if you start thinking that way and therefore being that way, you will realize how setting new goals for new year’s doesn’t move you. You will go into a new year with the plans you already have set forth to achieve not to make a better year but to make a better YOU. Happy New Year!!!!!! Don’t throw your resolutions away now, just look at them, think about them, and figure out what it is you really want to do, why you want to do it, and how will it in the end be beneficial to you, and go from there. Wishing you nothing but the best!!!!

Gods Speed,

Akrizia ‘MaryAntonique’ Smith

“Learning How to Be Your Own Psychologist: The Effects of Inconsiderably Giving Our Burdens to Others.”

As mentioned in my previous blog (What we say, How we say it, & How Its Interpreted), there were and are many things that I wanted to say and wished that I have said or discussed with others, but I always kept them to myself for particular reasons. I’ve come to realize that in this life there are those people who will always be there for you no matter what; they’re always open to hear you out and walk you through whatever it is that you are going through. Then, there are those who are indeed the opposite; those people who want you to be there for them all the time and always burden you with their problems but are never able to hear you out or give sound advice to you.

I’m that person; the one who focuses on everybody, open to give advice and willing to be a listening ear. I’ve been the one who was always able to offer a shoulder to cry on. For a while, I loved it! I appreciated the fact that my friends trusted to confide in me and accept advice from me. Besides, I did aspire to be a Psychologist and still do. Therefore, helping them with their problems felt like a good head start and made me feel like a valuable friend.

However, eventually it got exhausting and started to take a toll on me in a very negative way. Here I was always open and able to be there for my friends, but I had no one to hear me out in return. So, I had their problems that I constantly thought about and I had mines too.

I didn’t realize how damaging it all was. It became an emotional strain because I began to hurt and feel for them. Then, it was a mental strain because I thought about them all the time, hoping they were happy; praying for them to make it through. And finally, it took a toll on me physically. My problems were heavy on my heart and theirs were on my mind. After constantly writing through journal entries, songs and poems, and constantly praying, I had to find a physical way to deal with all of the burdens I was carrying. Granted the fact that I was too young for anything i.e. alcohol, sex, etc., I began to physically harm myself. I won’t go into such explicit details at this time (however you can find it in my next blog: Depression: - The Ins & Outs…The Severity of Depression), but it got really bad.

I was my own Psychologist for many years but I was giving myself the wrong diagnosis. How is that? Well, I confided in myself so I wouldn’t be a burden to others but I took on others problems as well, never realizing how dangerous it was. It’s an excellent experience to have a friend to confide in and help you through your problems, but if in return you cannot do the same for them, then you are indeed not a good friend. I began hurting myself because I felt overwhelmed with dealing with everyone’s problems. I’m now learning how to be my own Psychologist but in a more effective and moderate way. Of course I cannot diagnose severe cases and give them solutions, but it’s the little things that need the help; the things we think are not going to hurt us in the long run.

Here’s what I’ve come up with thus far, that’s been helping me greatly to deal with what’s going on in my life and in the lives of others:-

1.    First, I have to remember, I am not GOD. I cannot help everyone with their problems, although I’d love to, I just absolutely can’t.

2.    Second, if I am willing to offer myself to be a listening ear to my friend’s or whomever, then they must in return do the same. Perhaps they may not give me the advice I’d wish to hear but nevertheless it is still good to have someone listen to how I am feeling. If they cannot do simply that, then there is no need for us to be friends, point blank. Many people misunderstand the definition of friends. They believe that a friend is someone who they can take away from and not help build up. If you constantly remove the steps from which I am standing on, then what good am I to you if you move forward and I stay behind and what good am I to you if I do not have a steady foundation to stand on? There is no progression in a friendship if one moves forward without helping the other along. And there is no progression in a friendship if one is left behind and tries to pull the other down with them. A friendship should be where both individuals are on one accord, heading in the same direction intellectually.

3.    And last but definitely not least, it is unhealthy to harm myself in anyway shape or form because I feel overwhelmed or burdened. I should not allow myself to get to the point where I feel as if I cannot handle the things that I am going through. Getting to that point is scary. It’s like being so close to the edge, about to fall, and having no one to pull me back. If I cannot have friends who can see when I am hurting granted the fact that I know when they are and are there for them to get through it, then I should exclude those people out of my life.

These things are thoughts you should have before offering yourself to be a listening ear to someone else’s problems. You must first deal with you and take a steady pace in helping yourself get through this life before jumping in to save others. Some people do not have your best interest at heart. The only person they think about is themselves therefore there is no need to put their troubles before yours. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be there for your friends or anyone when they come to confide in you and expect advice, but be careful because some people are only here to take away from you, and if you’re not aware of that, you can really do a lot of damage to yourself in the long run. Learn how to be your own Psychologist by knowing what is it exactly you can handle and do just that; handle it. Do not take on more than what is your responsibility. You are your responsibility. Take care of you and the rest will follow.

Authentically,

Akrizia ‘MaryAntonique’ Smith

“What We Say, How We Say It, & How It’s Interpreted!!!”

I’ve always been an opinionated person and always had a response to whatever was said to me. However, I would always keep them as mere thoughts as oppose to verbally saying them. I’ve learned through being a very observant person and of course through great research that sometimes it is not only better but also life saving to leave some things unsaid.

There are many times where we as people feel as if it’s necessary to speak our minds and to constantly respond to others when the say stuff to us. Here’s the crazy thing:-

It’s not necessary! There is no need to always have a respond to everything. Yes, we all are entitled to our opinion so if we feel the need to, we can say whatever we want, whenever we want, and it should be ok, right?

Well, not exactly. I mean, no one can stop you from saying what you want, but perhaps you should stop yourself sometimes and think about what you’re about to say before you say it. Ask yourself these questions:-

v First & foremost, is it relevant to the situation?

v Will saying what you have to say make you feel better or is it just to upset the other person?

v And finally, will it be worth your life?

Perhaps I might’ve caught you off guard with that last question there huh? I guess you didn’t know that indeed it’s that serious. We are living in such a radical, ever-changing, violent time. People today are literally being killed over mere words. Now I know for sure that similar situations have occurred over centuries ago so people being killed over verbal arguments is nothing new. But, crime has intensified over the years and there are many psychologically ill-minded people walking amongst us. We won’t know it of course and sometimes they don’t even know it. People in general have many other things troubling their lives whether it is bills or relationships and the last thing they need is to be frustrated with others and their words (opinions). At any moment, your choice of words can either push someone over the edge to the point where they will just snap and harm you or themselves.

I can honestly say I’ve been to the breaking point too many times before. Like I said earlier, I’ve always been an opinionated person but I would constantly hold back a lot of things that I wanted to say simply because one, most of the times the comments were not relevant to the situation; they were always things that I wanted to say to hurt the person in the most possible way, and two, I would put myself in their position. I knew how angry I got when people would say certain things to me just to upset me and I knew of all the things that would run through my mind in not even an instant; things that could’ve either stopped me from being here today, or stopped them from being here today. Therefore, I would hold back the things that I desired to say simply because I know how it felt to be at the edge and about to tip over.

You might say, well it doesn’t concern you to know where people are at in their life i.e. emotionally or psychologically. I’m not saying that it should be your concern; I’m just saying that you should be careful. Not every thought you have should be expressed. Sometimes holding back saves you a lot, whether it’s your friendship (that you can ruin by saying something out of the way), your job, or your life. Be mindful that this world is continually changing and like technology and everything else that is constantly upgrading and on the move; so are people. Things are far different than they were before and so are people. People’s patience and mindset is continuously fluctuating and there’s no way to tell whether someone is functioning at one hundred percent or less. Many people are tired and fed up with all sorts of other things going on in their life, the last thing anyone wants to deal with is others opinion and negative words said to them. Be careful, you might push someone over the edge. The scariest part…they might take you over with them. Food for thought.

Authentically,

Akrizia ‘MaryAntonique’ Smith

Emancipating Oneself From Mental Slavery.

"...Emancipate Yourself From Mental Slavery; None But Ourselves Can Free Our Minds..."<---These are the words song by the one and only, true legend, Mr. Bob Marley himself. As these words echo throughout my ears and penetrate my mind, I go into a deep session of thinking and wonder, what exactly does it mean...“Emancipate yourself from mental slavery?” How does one free their mind from the bondage it is in, simply because of the wrong doings of another towards their ancestors or themselves? How does one overcome the challenges and adversities that they face psychologically when living in such a trying and turbulent world? Hmmm...I’ve decided to break this statement down into two parts, granted the fact that it speaks upon two totally different yet still the same disciplines (affairs).

Emancipate Yourself From Mental Slavery:-

As a woman of color, there are many ways I can address this statement that would seem to be relevant and necessary to the trials that my people (blacks) have faced back in the day. However, I choose to be direct and tackle the obvious issue as oppose to going on about things that I personally did not witness or have to go through. The issue: Mental Slave-ry.

Mental: 1. Of or pertaining to the mind.

Slave: 2. One who is submissive or subject to a person or influence.

Slavery: 1. Bondage to a Master or household.
2. Suppression or addiction to a specified influence.

Mental slavery is the inability to view events, or one's self, differently from commonly held beliefs. Mental slavery cripples its victim, making them ineffective, self destructive, self hating, and dangerous. A mental slave will not investigate nor research history or current events. They have the habit of accepting and believing what is told to them, whether it's true or not. This goes back to my question, how does one free their mind from the bondage it is in, simply because of the wrong doings of another towards their ancestors or themselves? Well, here’s the thing, we are not nor do we represent our forefathers. We should not suffer or punish ourselves for the sufferings that they went through. Yes, they say the sins of the forefathers fall upon the children BUT, should we allow it to depict who we are, what we accept, and what we embody? NO!!! We must learn to rise above all that has been done to our ancestors and to us; knowing that it is only through freedom of the mind that we can achieve anything in this life. Should we forget? NO!!! However, we must not allow our minds and its recollections to hinder us from progression and cause us to be bound to the slavery of what we were taught and believe. Why? Well, according to what we are taught, that’s what we believe; how is it then that we support things that we, ourselves have not experienced, did not investigate or discover? Hmmm. How are we certain that these things have occurred or that what we believe is right, contrary to what others believe? Do we only accept what we are told and then therefore, never quite comprehend what it is we feed our minds? Mental slavery is bondage to the things we ourselves do not take time to examine, but rather accept because it’s then easier to follow; believing that all said by another is true.

None But Ourselves Can Free Our Minds:-

We must understand that in order for us to overcome and move forth, we must let go. No one can release our minds from the state of slavery that we, ourselves have it in. It is because we fail to inquire all that is taught to us, our minds are limited to what there is and what we believe. There can potentially be no right in wrong in certain matters, but how will we ever know if we subject ourselves to the conclusions of another. “No one can deliver us from the depths of mental slavery but ourselves”…I think that in itself is self explanatory. Nonetheless, I will break it down even further for you. If you choose to believe something regardless of who said it or how it occurred, then that’s what you choose to believe. How it is then that someone else can divert you from what you, yourself, choose to believe? The mind indeed is a powerful thing and if you do not cross examine what is being taken in, then you my friend are succumbing yourself to mental slavery. No one can do the work for you. You must go above and beyond to assure that you comprehend all that you believe, and all that you are taught.

“We are what we repeatedly do…” a statement like such, with much truth and power to it simply states that if we constantly accept all that is given to us, never once questioning or rejecting it, then we, ourselves are keeping our minds in slavery. How do we move forward if we constantly look back?.

“…Emancipate Yourself From Mental Slavery; None But Ourselves Can Free Our Minds.”

Authentically,

Akrizia ‘MaryAntonique’ Smith