“Learning How to Be Your Own Psychologist: The Effects of Inconsiderably Giving Our Burdens to Others.”

As mentioned in my previous blog (What we say, How we say it, & How Its Interpreted), there were and are many things that I wanted to say and wished that I have said or discussed with others, but I always kept them to myself for particular reasons. I’ve come to realize that in this life there are those people who will always be there for you no matter what; they’re always open to hear you out and walk you through whatever it is that you are going through. Then, there are those who are indeed the opposite; those people who want you to be there for them all the time and always burden you with their problems but are never able to hear you out or give sound advice to you.

I’m that person; the one who focuses on everybody, open to give advice and willing to be a listening ear. I’ve been the one who was always able to offer a shoulder to cry on. For a while, I loved it! I appreciated the fact that my friends trusted to confide in me and accept advice from me. Besides, I did aspire to be a Psychologist and still do. Therefore, helping them with their problems felt like a good head start and made me feel like a valuable friend.

However, eventually it got exhausting and started to take a toll on me in a very negative way. Here I was always open and able to be there for my friends, but I had no one to hear me out in return. So, I had their problems that I constantly thought about and I had mines too.

I didn’t realize how damaging it all was. It became an emotional strain because I began to hurt and feel for them. Then, it was a mental strain because I thought about them all the time, hoping they were happy; praying for them to make it through. And finally, it took a toll on me physically. My problems were heavy on my heart and theirs were on my mind. After constantly writing through journal entries, songs and poems, and constantly praying, I had to find a physical way to deal with all of the burdens I was carrying. Granted the fact that I was too young for anything i.e. alcohol, sex, etc., I began to physically harm myself. I won’t go into such explicit details at this time (however you can find it in my next blog: Depression: - The Ins & Outs…The Severity of Depression), but it got really bad.

I was my own Psychologist for many years but I was giving myself the wrong diagnosis. How is that? Well, I confided in myself so I wouldn’t be a burden to others but I took on others problems as well, never realizing how dangerous it was. It’s an excellent experience to have a friend to confide in and help you through your problems, but if in return you cannot do the same for them, then you are indeed not a good friend. I began hurting myself because I felt overwhelmed with dealing with everyone’s problems. I’m now learning how to be my own Psychologist but in a more effective and moderate way. Of course I cannot diagnose severe cases and give them solutions, but it’s the little things that need the help; the things we think are not going to hurt us in the long run.

Here’s what I’ve come up with thus far, that’s been helping me greatly to deal with what’s going on in my life and in the lives of others:-

1.    First, I have to remember, I am not GOD. I cannot help everyone with their problems, although I’d love to, I just absolutely can’t.

2.    Second, if I am willing to offer myself to be a listening ear to my friend’s or whomever, then they must in return do the same. Perhaps they may not give me the advice I’d wish to hear but nevertheless it is still good to have someone listen to how I am feeling. If they cannot do simply that, then there is no need for us to be friends, point blank. Many people misunderstand the definition of friends. They believe that a friend is someone who they can take away from and not help build up. If you constantly remove the steps from which I am standing on, then what good am I to you if you move forward and I stay behind and what good am I to you if I do not have a steady foundation to stand on? There is no progression in a friendship if one moves forward without helping the other along. And there is no progression in a friendship if one is left behind and tries to pull the other down with them. A friendship should be where both individuals are on one accord, heading in the same direction intellectually.

3.    And last but definitely not least, it is unhealthy to harm myself in anyway shape or form because I feel overwhelmed or burdened. I should not allow myself to get to the point where I feel as if I cannot handle the things that I am going through. Getting to that point is scary. It’s like being so close to the edge, about to fall, and having no one to pull me back. If I cannot have friends who can see when I am hurting granted the fact that I know when they are and are there for them to get through it, then I should exclude those people out of my life.

These things are thoughts you should have before offering yourself to be a listening ear to someone else’s problems. You must first deal with you and take a steady pace in helping yourself get through this life before jumping in to save others. Some people do not have your best interest at heart. The only person they think about is themselves therefore there is no need to put their troubles before yours. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be there for your friends or anyone when they come to confide in you and expect advice, but be careful because some people are only here to take away from you, and if you’re not aware of that, you can really do a lot of damage to yourself in the long run. Learn how to be your own Psychologist by knowing what is it exactly you can handle and do just that; handle it. Do not take on more than what is your responsibility. You are your responsibility. Take care of you and the rest will follow.

Authentically,

Akrizia ‘MaryAntonique’ Smith

“What We Say, How We Say It, & How It’s Interpreted!!!”

I’ve always been an opinionated person and always had a response to whatever was said to me. However, I would always keep them as mere thoughts as oppose to verbally saying them. I’ve learned through being a very observant person and of course through great research that sometimes it is not only better but also life saving to leave some things unsaid.

There are many times where we as people feel as if it’s necessary to speak our minds and to constantly respond to others when the say stuff to us. Here’s the crazy thing:-

It’s not necessary! There is no need to always have a respond to everything. Yes, we all are entitled to our opinion so if we feel the need to, we can say whatever we want, whenever we want, and it should be ok, right?

Well, not exactly. I mean, no one can stop you from saying what you want, but perhaps you should stop yourself sometimes and think about what you’re about to say before you say it. Ask yourself these questions:-

v First & foremost, is it relevant to the situation?

v Will saying what you have to say make you feel better or is it just to upset the other person?

v And finally, will it be worth your life?

Perhaps I might’ve caught you off guard with that last question there huh? I guess you didn’t know that indeed it’s that serious. We are living in such a radical, ever-changing, violent time. People today are literally being killed over mere words. Now I know for sure that similar situations have occurred over centuries ago so people being killed over verbal arguments is nothing new. But, crime has intensified over the years and there are many psychologically ill-minded people walking amongst us. We won’t know it of course and sometimes they don’t even know it. People in general have many other things troubling their lives whether it is bills or relationships and the last thing they need is to be frustrated with others and their words (opinions). At any moment, your choice of words can either push someone over the edge to the point where they will just snap and harm you or themselves.

I can honestly say I’ve been to the breaking point too many times before. Like I said earlier, I’ve always been an opinionated person but I would constantly hold back a lot of things that I wanted to say simply because one, most of the times the comments were not relevant to the situation; they were always things that I wanted to say to hurt the person in the most possible way, and two, I would put myself in their position. I knew how angry I got when people would say certain things to me just to upset me and I knew of all the things that would run through my mind in not even an instant; things that could’ve either stopped me from being here today, or stopped them from being here today. Therefore, I would hold back the things that I desired to say simply because I know how it felt to be at the edge and about to tip over.

You might say, well it doesn’t concern you to know where people are at in their life i.e. emotionally or psychologically. I’m not saying that it should be your concern; I’m just saying that you should be careful. Not every thought you have should be expressed. Sometimes holding back saves you a lot, whether it’s your friendship (that you can ruin by saying something out of the way), your job, or your life. Be mindful that this world is continually changing and like technology and everything else that is constantly upgrading and on the move; so are people. Things are far different than they were before and so are people. People’s patience and mindset is continuously fluctuating and there’s no way to tell whether someone is functioning at one hundred percent or less. Many people are tired and fed up with all sorts of other things going on in their life, the last thing anyone wants to deal with is others opinion and negative words said to them. Be careful, you might push someone over the edge. The scariest part…they might take you over with them. Food for thought.

Authentically,

Akrizia ‘MaryAntonique’ Smith

Emancipating Oneself From Mental Slavery.

"...Emancipate Yourself From Mental Slavery; None But Ourselves Can Free Our Minds..."<---These are the words song by the one and only, true legend, Mr. Bob Marley himself. As these words echo throughout my ears and penetrate my mind, I go into a deep session of thinking and wonder, what exactly does it mean...“Emancipate yourself from mental slavery?” How does one free their mind from the bondage it is in, simply because of the wrong doings of another towards their ancestors or themselves? How does one overcome the challenges and adversities that they face psychologically when living in such a trying and turbulent world? Hmmm...I’ve decided to break this statement down into two parts, granted the fact that it speaks upon two totally different yet still the same disciplines (affairs).

Emancipate Yourself From Mental Slavery:-

As a woman of color, there are many ways I can address this statement that would seem to be relevant and necessary to the trials that my people (blacks) have faced back in the day. However, I choose to be direct and tackle the obvious issue as oppose to going on about things that I personally did not witness or have to go through. The issue: Mental Slave-ry.

Mental: 1. Of or pertaining to the mind.

Slave: 2. One who is submissive or subject to a person or influence.

Slavery: 1. Bondage to a Master or household.
2. Suppression or addiction to a specified influence.

Mental slavery is the inability to view events, or one's self, differently from commonly held beliefs. Mental slavery cripples its victim, making them ineffective, self destructive, self hating, and dangerous. A mental slave will not investigate nor research history or current events. They have the habit of accepting and believing what is told to them, whether it's true or not. This goes back to my question, how does one free their mind from the bondage it is in, simply because of the wrong doings of another towards their ancestors or themselves? Well, here’s the thing, we are not nor do we represent our forefathers. We should not suffer or punish ourselves for the sufferings that they went through. Yes, they say the sins of the forefathers fall upon the children BUT, should we allow it to depict who we are, what we accept, and what we embody? NO!!! We must learn to rise above all that has been done to our ancestors and to us; knowing that it is only through freedom of the mind that we can achieve anything in this life. Should we forget? NO!!! However, we must not allow our minds and its recollections to hinder us from progression and cause us to be bound to the slavery of what we were taught and believe. Why? Well, according to what we are taught, that’s what we believe; how is it then that we support things that we, ourselves have not experienced, did not investigate or discover? Hmmm. How are we certain that these things have occurred or that what we believe is right, contrary to what others believe? Do we only accept what we are told and then therefore, never quite comprehend what it is we feed our minds? Mental slavery is bondage to the things we ourselves do not take time to examine, but rather accept because it’s then easier to follow; believing that all said by another is true.

None But Ourselves Can Free Our Minds:-

We must understand that in order for us to overcome and move forth, we must let go. No one can release our minds from the state of slavery that we, ourselves have it in. It is because we fail to inquire all that is taught to us, our minds are limited to what there is and what we believe. There can potentially be no right in wrong in certain matters, but how will we ever know if we subject ourselves to the conclusions of another. “No one can deliver us from the depths of mental slavery but ourselves”…I think that in itself is self explanatory. Nonetheless, I will break it down even further for you. If you choose to believe something regardless of who said it or how it occurred, then that’s what you choose to believe. How it is then that someone else can divert you from what you, yourself, choose to believe? The mind indeed is a powerful thing and if you do not cross examine what is being taken in, then you my friend are succumbing yourself to mental slavery. No one can do the work for you. You must go above and beyond to assure that you comprehend all that you believe, and all that you are taught.

“We are what we repeatedly do…” a statement like such, with much truth and power to it simply states that if we constantly accept all that is given to us, never once questioning or rejecting it, then we, ourselves are keeping our minds in slavery. How do we move forward if we constantly look back?.

“…Emancipate Yourself From Mental Slavery; None But Ourselves Can Free Our Minds.”

Authentically,

Akrizia ‘MaryAntonique’ Smith