As mentioned in my previous blog (What we say, How we say it, & How Its Interpreted), there were and are many things that I wanted to say and wished that I have said or discussed with others, but I always kept them to myself for particular reasons. I’ve come to realize that in this life there are those people who will always be there for you no matter what; they’re always open to hear you out and walk you through whatever it is that you are going through. Then, there are those who are indeed the opposite; those people who want you to be there for them all the time and always burden you with their problems but are never able to hear you out or give sound advice to you.
I’m that person; the one who focuses on everybody, open to give advice and willing to be a listening ear. I’ve been the one who was always able to offer a shoulder to cry on. For a while, I loved it! I appreciated the fact that my friends trusted to confide in me and accept advice from me. Besides, I did aspire to be a Psychologist and still do. Therefore, helping them with their problems felt like a good head start and made me feel like a valuable friend.
However, eventually it got exhausting and started to take a toll on me in a very negative way. Here I was always open and able to be there for my friends, but I had no one to hear me out in return. So, I had their problems that I constantly thought about and I had mines too.
I didn’t realize how damaging it all was. It became an emotional strain because I began to hurt and feel for them. Then, it was a mental strain because I thought about them all the time, hoping they were happy; praying for them to make it through. And finally, it took a toll on me physically. My problems were heavy on my heart and theirs were on my mind. After constantly writing through journal entries, songs and poems, and constantly praying, I had to find a physical way to deal with all of the burdens I was carrying. Granted the fact that I was too young for anything i.e. alcohol, sex, etc., I began to physically harm myself. I won’t go into such explicit details at this time (however you can find it in my next blog: Depression: - The Ins & Outs…The Severity of Depression), but it got really bad.
I was my own Psychologist for many years but I was giving myself the wrong diagnosis. How is that? Well, I confided in myself so I wouldn’t be a burden to others but I took on others problems as well, never realizing how dangerous it was. It’s an excellent experience to have a friend to confide in and help you through your problems, but if in return you cannot do the same for them, then you are indeed not a good friend. I began hurting myself because I felt overwhelmed with dealing with everyone’s problems. I’m now learning how to be my own Psychologist but in a more effective and moderate way. Of course I cannot diagnose severe cases and give them solutions, but it’s the little things that need the help; the things we think are not going to hurt us in the long run.
Here’s what I’ve come up with thus far, that’s been helping me greatly to deal with what’s going on in my life and in the lives of others:-
1. First, I have to remember, I am not GOD. I cannot help everyone with their problems, although I’d love to, I just absolutely can’t.
2. Second, if I am willing to offer myself to be a listening ear to my friend’s or whomever, then they must in return do the same. Perhaps they may not give me the advice I’d wish to hear but nevertheless it is still good to have someone listen to how I am feeling. If they cannot do simply that, then there is no need for us to be friends, point blank. Many people misunderstand the definition of friends. They believe that a friend is someone who they can take away from and not help build up. If you constantly remove the steps from which I am standing on, then what good am I to you if you move forward and I stay behind and what good am I to you if I do not have a steady foundation to stand on? There is no progression in a friendship if one moves forward without helping the other along. And there is no progression in a friendship if one is left behind and tries to pull the other down with them. A friendship should be where both individuals are on one accord, heading in the same direction intellectually.
3. And last but definitely not least, it is unhealthy to harm myself in anyway shape or form because I feel overwhelmed or burdened. I should not allow myself to get to the point where I feel as if I cannot handle the things that I am going through. Getting to that point is scary. It’s like being so close to the edge, about to fall, and having no one to pull me back. If I cannot have friends who can see when I am hurting granted the fact that I know when they are and are there for them to get through it, then I should exclude those people out of my life.
These things are thoughts you should have before offering yourself to be a listening ear to someone else’s problems. You must first deal with you and take a steady pace in helping yourself get through this life before jumping in to save others. Some people do not have your best interest at heart. The only person they think about is themselves therefore there is no need to put their troubles before yours. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be there for your friends or anyone when they come to confide in you and expect advice, but be careful because some people are only here to take away from you, and if you’re not aware of that, you can really do a lot of damage to yourself in the long run. Learn how to be your own Psychologist by knowing what is it exactly you can handle and do just that; handle it. Do not take on more than what is your responsibility. You are your responsibility. Take care of you and the rest will follow.
Authentically,
Akrizia ‘MaryAntonique’ Smith
No comments:
Post a Comment