4AM - OMG, I was THAT Girl!

4AM – OMG, I was THAT Girl! 

Now I'm certain many of you know, if not, have heard some parts of Melanie Fiona's song – 4AM. Don't play shy...'It's 4AM and my lover won't answer; he's probably somewhere with some dancer sippin' champagne while I'm in his bed.' - Yeah, I know you know that part LOL. 

Wellllllllll, it's Storytime Guys! So, let's begin. 

Once upon a time not long ago, I was THAT girl! Yes! Me. I have an awkward sense of humor. I laugh at things now that back then, in the moment, cut me so deep. Some may say it's not funny ever but to me, I get over it. So, this story and sharing it with you all brings me great humor. Anyways, so I was dating this guy and I think it's safe to say, we were in love, well so I thought. 

Like every relationship that has its ups and downs, ours was no different but we managed to work through them. Truth is, we were friends prior to actually being in a relationship. He was always in love with me apparently (according to him and everyone else). I knew but I was young and focused on my studies and needless to say, the 'good girl'. Yes, I sort of hated that term but oh well, it kept the douche bags away. 

Let's keep it going... 

Bringing you up to speed, now we're both pass the awkward stage and heavy in a relationship. Thought what the hell we're both grown and interested, sure why not right? Wrong! Some relationships are better left as just friends. Otherwise, if it fails, you jeopardize everything. 

It's Party Night! 

We're all over for a weekend of fun at his house. All of his friends, my friends; just loving ourselves. I'm not the girl who tells her boyfriend he cannot go out but in the spirit of things, I thought it was appropriate to do so. I mean, I'm home by him, lots of other people there, no need to leave me there with them, right? He agreed and we chilled and did 'couple's stuff' LOL AKA 'Netflix and Chill'. 

Anywayssssssssss... 

I knew his work friends (Squaddies smt) were still calling him to go out with them but he said to me he wasn't going. Nonetheless, he went! Yup, he sure did. It was 12AM and the call came through. I was supposed to be asleep but I don’t sleep that hard so the ring woke me up but I didn't make it known. He's probably thinking then, 'my girl's sleeping, she won’t even notice I'm gone.' Wrong! I watched him get ready and everythangggg! Now you're probably thinking, why didn’t I say anything....what was there for me to say hmmm, 'You can't go?'. He's a grown man, clearly, he had his mind made up. 

Don't want to be long-winded so let's try to finish this... 

He's gone and I'm up PISSED! FUMMING! I tried calling after a few hours but of course, his phone is now turned off. I wanted to be 'Krazy Krizia' but I didn't know where to begin. I mean, he left, didn't say anything, had no idea where he was going or who with exactly, so I did the only thing (at that time) I could...Wait. 

4AM Arrives – OMG and he's still not home. Okay, maybe he got hurt, a fight broke out or something, I mean these things happen all the time. I'm in panic mood now; no longer angry but concerned. I'm calling but it's useless, his phone is still turned off. I'm rocking back and forth - 'Krazy Krizia' is kicking in: not the 'nigga I'll cut you' side but the 'Lord please, please let everything be okay' side. 

It's 6AM. 

I'm tire as hell, fighting back sleep but I know I have to stay up just in case there's a call or he comes home and there's a good explanation. 

Oh, he comes home... 

All smiling and ish. I'm like, 'dude, is you serious?' (yeah, the ghetto comes out LOL). He's all, 'babe I had to go, they kept calling me and blah blah blah!' I politely got up from out of his bed and walked out of the room. This story gets too juicy but out of respect for some, even though I really shouldn't, I'll just let bygones be bygones. 

You want to know if he cheated huh? 

Well, I can’t confirm anything if I wasn't there but perhaps fellas, when you’re doing your dirt, make sure it's with people you can trust. I mean he always said how his friends secretly liked me and would do anything to tear us apart. I always assured him my love was for him and what they tried or did never mattered to me. But oh boy, they couldn't wait to tell me about that night. I was told about it the next day in fact, full details. 

Whiles to them or so they thought, this would be the perfect opportunity for me to leave him and be open to dating, they never considered the heartbreak it would bring. I was devastated! I couldn't believe that after all these years of loving and pursuing, finally having me, there, he risked it all for one night of fun with wolves who was waiting for his downfall; setting the perfect trap. 

There I was laying in his bed waiting for him to come home while he was out bragging about this 'good girl' he has home waiting in bed for him. WOW! 

It wasn't 4AM to be exact but 4/6 same thing LOL, well the story is still similar. 

Did it birth a new me? 

Sorta Kinda. Truth is, I'll never stop loving the way I love or perhaps (I said perhaps) trusting the way I trust, but I did learn two valuable lessons: 

1. No matter how good you are, you'll never be good enough for the man/woman who isn’t ready for you. Yes, I know, people make mistakes but then and now, it seemed to be a clear-cut conscious decision.  And...                                                                                         
2. People can love you and still hurt you. I'm certain we have all done so to someone we've claimed to love at some point in our lives. I hold no one at fault for that, after all, we're only humans. 

But, I want you to think about this the next time you're about to make a decision that may bring pain to someone you love whether family, friend or lover – Is it worth losing everything? The friendship? The relationship? The happy moments? The 'I can't live without this person' feeling? The 'I know it's been years but I'm still trying to make it right with her because I know she genuinely loved me and was the one' feeling? 

And that's how I knew it wasn't worth it 🙂. But such is life and it goes on with me now smiling and laughing at a heartbreak that repaired so beautifully. 

4AM...yup, I was THAT girl! 

Love ya Freaks! 

Akrizia 'MaryAntonique' Smith 

1st October, 2017