28 and Broke! BUT, Optimistic.

"If I'm going to fall, I don't want to fall back on anything except my faith; I want to fall forward." - Denzel Washington 

Things that make you go, 'Hmmm....' 

While delivering his speech to the 2011 Graduating Class of The University of Pennsylvania, Denzel Washington said such powerful words, encouraging them to fall forward. He went on to say how he disliked when people, in particular elderly family members would say, 'make sure you have something to fall back on now.' I too have always disliked such advice. Although it may seem wise or safe to do which is ok, it allows room for complacency to settle in and we see so often many not really reaching/ discovering their full potential because they become comfortable with the mindset of, ' well if this doesn't work, at least I'll have something to fall back on.' At times they won't even try at all. 

The first time I heard his speech was when I moved back home to Grand Bahama in 2015. I would stay by my cousin from time to time and literally every morning she would play his speech. EVERY MORNING! I immediately feel in love with it as it did something to me. Finally, someone with a platform {well grander than mines at the moment} was encouraging others to be and do the things I've been trying to express to those around me my whole life. I know the saying is true that they won't listen to you until someone else says it, which for me is fine as long as the message is understood. 

2016. 

My job title of Sales Associate and Graphic Artist {some years later}, I held for a consecutive eight years, nine in total within the same establishment. Whiles I am indeed forever grateful for such an opportunity, I constantly went back and forth with my desires of leaving and finding something new, exciting or preferably {now} just doing my own thing: The Entrepreneur Thing. During those years, the only thing that kept me from venturing out were those same nagging words, 'make sure you have something to fall back on' and 'you don't leave sure for unsure.' -rolls eyes- 

I'm more vocal now than I was back then but in my mind, I always screamed, 'besides the grave, there's nothing sure/certain.' Some may argue with me but that's another topic for another day that I won't entertain. {Sorry if that seems rude} 

But Anyways... 

So yea, here I am on this job feeling suffocated. I couldn't breathe, not because there was always people around because there wasn't, but because I was no longer happy, comfortable, complacent. I was suffocating myself with the thoughts and plans of others when all I really wanted to do was 'fall forward...take a shot...enjoy the risk...just do it!' 

I didn't come to my decision easy but nonetheless I had to make it. I resigned from my job – I'd say quit but indeed I did it the formal way {notice and everything} September 2016. Now of course there were many who thought I was insane leaving a 'sure job' without having another lined up first but I couldn't and didn't pay them any attention. I just couldn't do it anymore! The pay was fairly decent, atmosphere ok but I just couldn't breathe! I needed out. Now you're probably thinking based on the title, '28 and Broke!', perhaps I made the wrong decision. Nope. It was the best decision I've ever made in my life and I would do it over and over again. My last day was a Monday and by that Saturday of the same week I was flying off to Abaco for another job which I got offered immediately during the interview. Not boasting or bragging but I knew I would. And just like that, on to something new. 

The Problem. 

The new job came with certain perks that I was ok with as well as some things that I wasn't interested in getting used to but I made it work. How then, I'm doing what I thought I wanted, taking the risk, trying something new, starting off with a pay I demanded and still not happy? 

Things that make you go, 'Hmmm...' 

I discovered very quickly that finding another job or working for another company wasn't what I really wanted. I wasn't uncomfortable with the establishments {for the most part}, I was uncomfortable with me. I was disappointed with me and finding 'another job' wasn't going to fix the problem. The problem was simple: I became the person I never wanted to be. I was always the over-achiever, the girl with big ambitions and strong drive, the girl who got things done and was never afraid of putting her all into her dreams because she believed, 'all or nothing babe.' Yet here I was, on another man's job, fulfilling another man's dream and neglecting my own. Here I was conforming to complacency again. 

Now please do not get me wrong, everyone has to start from somewhere. To say we all can't be 'bosses', I'd disagree with that but no doubt, somebody's got to work. So indeed there's nothing wrong with having a job/ working for someone, but like feelings, it's dangerous when a job has/consumes you. 

They called me Spongebob on my previous job. Yup, they laughed at me. How I always made sure I got things done, went the extra mile almost always and never late. In fact, I'd usually be an hour – hour and a half early and hardly ever took sick days even when I felt like death himself. That's when the job has/consumes you. You eat, sleep and breathe the job, putting aside your own personal aspirations to ensure someone else's own is accomplished. Some may say that's just a really good employee, I call it being a fool! {I'm being rude again...I know} 

No doubt I was an excellent employee and my pay raises, coming from the horse's mouth proved that, but being honest with myself, I was a damn fool! I gave everything, all of me to the job and neglected my own goals. 

P.S. I got fired from my new job in Abaco three weeks later. I'm laughing at it now but trust me, that was so not funny then. Well fired is pretty strong of a word, I can sugar coat it like they did but I won't.... Fired. Had a few disagreements with management and truthfully, I just lost interest. I knew it showed on my face and maybe I should've left on my own but I did try to make it work. Clearly, it didn't. So there I was, back at the drawing board. Job offers came as they always did and I'm again grateful but they just weren't what I was willing to give my all to again. 

The Heart to Heart Conversation. 

I had to sit down with myself and sincerely talk to me; call me crazy but I love expert advice. I needed to know exactly what it was Akrizia wanted out of life and what she was willing to sacrifice to achieve it. 

I've had a million dreams and things I wanted to do but I can assure you, no way in hell did I ever saw Graphics being one of them. In fact, I hated designing on my previous job, partly because I had no idea what I was doing {self-taught} and because it was forced on me to be honest {I hate doing things by force}. So yea, I really didn't see myself owning my own Design Company...but oh Lord when opportunity stops knocking, two words: Create It. 

2017. 

Why am I still doing it then if I previously hated it? 

Because I love it now. 

Keep in mind, it was not one of the things I aspired to do and since I had to teach myself how to do it, it annoyed me. When I finally was able to do it on my own terms, I became intrigued. I loved learning how to do it. I studied, YouTube {my fav}, got certifications and found a way to make it work for me, literally. Now let me just throw this out there ok so you all know, starting something new, particularly a whole company on your own is very risky, time consuming and expensive! And when you're broke, it’s the worst! Haha. Expensive how? Well you've got to invest in yourself loves. You know the saying, 'You've got to spend money to make money.'? It's true. I guarantee you 'though, it'll be the best money you'll ever spend and perhaps not for some but for me, you'll enjoy it! 

Why 28 and Broke then? 

Well loves, it's an uphill climb. There won't always be sunny days and let's face it, sometimes you will invest more in than what you get back, but that's ok! That's just the way life goes. Paired with somewhat of a struggling economy, you're going to have to branch out a little more as well {hint, hint – we've introduced Marketing to the Company}. The overall thing one must become aware of before they venture out or please learn early on is how to be financially literate. Trust me on this one, it's a must! Whiles you're still reading, please put 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What The Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That The Poor and Middle Class Do Not.' By Robert T. Kiyosaki on your book list, thank me later! That book gave me life and life again. 

I'm going to wrap this up because it really wasn't my intentions to be so long, sorry LOL. Why fall forward then if there's going to be ups and downs? Life is full of ups and downs whether you're chasing your dreams or not. If you haven't noticed that by now, I don't know who you are but good job or in other words, 'kudos to you!' The rest of us however have experienced ups, downs, ins, outs and all that lies in between no matter the situation i.e. on another man's job or your own. Fall forward because it's really not as scary as they'd have you believe. Headaches? Yes. Tired? OMG. Starving at times? Possibly, especially if you've been reckless with money as I have. Wanting to give up and just do the norm? Absolutely. Then why keep going? It's the liberating feeling you get when you know you're finally putting your all into what it is you said you would do or in my case, discovered something you actually enjoy doing even when you thought you wouldn't. 

I'm trying to wrap my brain around a powerful quote to end with but it's not coming together so I'll leave you with some simple truth: 

I'm a 28-year-old Graphic Artist/ Marketing Consultant with my own company 'Akrizia Designs', soon to officially launch my workout gear Fat2Fab by my second company, SAM Activewear who currently lives on dad's couch, literally {all the rooms are taken lol} writing this blog to inspire you. No, I didn't have something to fall back on because loves, bills still have to pay and contributions still have to be made all while I'm 'hustling' and investing in myself to make the dream come true. 

Why optimistic then? 

I'm not exactly where or as far as I'd prefer to be in life and I can only blame myself for that, no prob. However, I now have a clear view of where I'm headed and I can assure you, the future looks mighty bright and beautiful! Again, I stand firm on the belief that there are no sureties in life but I'll promise you this, you'll never know if you don't ever try. Like they say, 'If you don't ask, the answer will always be no.' I'll say, if you don't take the chance, embrace the risk and fall forward, you'll forever live with what if's. Ahhh...and there, I've found one - 'A life without risk is like no life at all.' - Demi Moore {Indecent Proposal 1993} Just knew something would tie in. Be encouraged loves...and fall forward. 

Love Always, 

Akrizia 'MaryAntonique' Smith 

14th October, 2017